As you all know, I am in the process of writing a book. It is close to completion. I would like to share with you a very small section of one of my chapters on seeing Ground Zero for the first time.
The chapter title is "First Impressions"
I turned the corner and halted my step at the Church Street intersection. I stared incredulously at the confusion directly in front of me, my mouth dropped. I tried to focus my eyes, grasp at reality as to what lay before me, such devastation. There was an inordinate amount of debris, piles of it! Now it became clear to me why Jean told me that Ground Zero was called "The pile". These were enormous piles, slabs of concrete, holding no definition as to what they originally were. Some sections of the buildings were still partially standing, while others were completely unrecognizable. There, straight ahead and to my right, stood what was left of a parking garage, with several cars still inside, abandoned forever, I assumed. The majority of the vehicles were demolished upon recognition. Oh my God, this is not like what I saw on TV, this is worse than anything I could ever imagine! Little did I know what I was seeing was not the main devastation of the two trade towers but of smaller buildings that had collapsed from its wake. Tears began to well up.
Then it hit me, an overpowering intense stench. What in the world was it? How does one describe that burning raw pungent mixture? I really didn’t want to know what this horrific smell was, as my mind started to wonder as to all the many possibilities of what could be mixed in with it. I immediately placed my hand over my nostrils to help clear that foreboding odor out of my head. I started shaking my head, this can’t be real, this must be some sort of dream. No this cannot be a dream, who in their right mind would dream something as dreadful as this? This is truly a nightmare! That initial view and smell has been ingrained in my head even to this day. I’m afraid it is something I will never ever be able to eliminate from the depths of my soul.
I questioned myself for the umpteenth time, what the heck am I doing here? I didn’t want to take it all in; I didn’t want to smell that acrid odor. I shuddered and took a tentative breath telling myself to step away from all of the chaos. The initial thought was to run as far as I could away from the devastation. But I knew deep down that running back to the safety and security of my hotel would not be the right plan. I had to be strong and prove to myself that this could be done; I could work at Ground Zero and even make a difference. I needed to keep moving, but in the direction of Ground Zero. I kept repeating to myself,Just put one foot in front of the other Jane. It was time to begin my volunteer experience. Hurry, I thought. Don’t look at it; just keep your eyes focused on what is straight ahead! Look for that flag!
The red, white and blue of our country’s flag stood off in the distance. I was mesmerized by it's beauty. These were the only colors that I had noticed since leaving the subway. All was a blanket of gray except for this beautiful American Flag. It was shrouding my entire building! Now I understand what Jean was telling me, this has to be it! I found myself almost racing towards it, focusing on it alone. I was breathing heavily, but feeling so determined not to slow down, not to look back. Nothing was going to stop me, nothing! There is a purpose for why you are here, I thought, and that purpose and strength would see me through this country’s difficult time.
I reached for the door and stepped inside.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Bruce
Today's blog is about connections. We all have connections, each and every day. Most we just don't notice as it part of our routine. Connections are what keeps us human and alive. I am hoping at the end of this you will write a comment to me about your connection, a special one that touched your life recently. In doing so, we keep those connections and moments alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There's a homeless guy across the street" Gary said, intently staring out the window of the restaurant.
"Where?" I asked,leaning forward to get a better view. I saw him, there, maybe 30 feet from where we were sitting. He was leaning against a building with all of his worldly possessions close at hand, three bulging black plastic trash bags. "It's going to be really cold tonight, and that wind! I'm worried about how he will do!"
We sat at the restaurant watching, eating, chatting while staying warm and cozy in our little safe spot. As I sat there, I occasionally glanced out the window and became less interested in my meal. My mind began wandering, how many homeless people have I seen over the years? Tons! And usually I always walk by and hardly ever do a thing, well maybe sometimes I would give a little money here and there. Why was this guy getting to me tonight?
"Do you think he would like my left-overs?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the man across the street. "It's not much, well, maybe half of my meal".
"I'm sure he would and he can have the rest of my fries too" Gary offered. "though I don't feel comfortable going over there to give it to him." I appreciated his honesty, and I understood it but I felt like I had to go over and talk to this guy. There was a draw there, and I did not know why.
I asked the waitress to pack up my food and asked her, if possible, could she throw in a bit more as I was giving it to the homeless guy across the street. Unfortunately, she told me that they were unable to do such things, against their regulations, to give extra. When she brought the bag to me, I noticed that she did put in some plastic cutlery and a napkin. It would have to suffice.
I threw my jacket on and walked out the front door of the restaurant with my restaurant bag in hand. The wind was intense and I pulled up my collar to help shield my neck from the bite of the icy wind. I quickly glanced up and down the street for passing cars and made my way across.
There he stood, leaning against a wall, just staring at me. "Hi" I said. "Are you hungry?"
His eyes got wide and he continued to stare and then slowly he said "Oh yes I AM!"
I smiled and handed him the bag and commented "I saw you while I was sitting in the restaurant".
"You were watching me? Really?" He looked aghast, as if this was something new and unusual for him.
"Well yes we were, my husband and I and we were concerned about you!" I explained.
He was still staring intently into my eyes with a look of awe. "No one ever notices me, you really were watching me? Thank you so much ma'am for the food, that was very generous of you." He reached up and took off his cap and held out his hand, "By the way, my name is Bruce."
"Bruce, I am very pleased to meet you, I'm Jane" I said reaching out to take his hand. "Oh Bruce, your hand is freezing! How will you stay warm tonight?"
"Don't worry about me" he said smiling "I know how to stay warm. There is a subway nearby and I can warm up near the entrance where I will be shielded from the brunt of the cold."
"I hope so, it is bitter out! That wind is just miserable tonight! You promise me you will stay warm?" I pleaded.
"Indubitably!" he jested with his eyes flashing. "Thank you again, it was more than kind of you and I am still dumbfounded that you would even give me the time of day, no one does and it means a lot."
I grabbed his hand and shook it again. "Take good care of yourself, okay?"
He nodded in agreement. As I walked back across the street to my cozy warm restaurant I shivered and caught a blast of wind that nearly knocked me off of my feet. I began to feel terribly guilty that I had such warm inviting building to to go to. I turned and waved and walked through the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There's a homeless guy across the street" Gary said, intently staring out the window of the restaurant.
"Where?" I asked,leaning forward to get a better view. I saw him, there, maybe 30 feet from where we were sitting. He was leaning against a building with all of his worldly possessions close at hand, three bulging black plastic trash bags. "It's going to be really cold tonight, and that wind! I'm worried about how he will do!"
We sat at the restaurant watching, eating, chatting while staying warm and cozy in our little safe spot. As I sat there, I occasionally glanced out the window and became less interested in my meal. My mind began wandering, how many homeless people have I seen over the years? Tons! And usually I always walk by and hardly ever do a thing, well maybe sometimes I would give a little money here and there. Why was this guy getting to me tonight?
"Do you think he would like my left-overs?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the man across the street. "It's not much, well, maybe half of my meal".
"I'm sure he would and he can have the rest of my fries too" Gary offered. "though I don't feel comfortable going over there to give it to him." I appreciated his honesty, and I understood it but I felt like I had to go over and talk to this guy. There was a draw there, and I did not know why.
I asked the waitress to pack up my food and asked her, if possible, could she throw in a bit more as I was giving it to the homeless guy across the street. Unfortunately, she told me that they were unable to do such things, against their regulations, to give extra. When she brought the bag to me, I noticed that she did put in some plastic cutlery and a napkin. It would have to suffice.
I threw my jacket on and walked out the front door of the restaurant with my restaurant bag in hand. The wind was intense and I pulled up my collar to help shield my neck from the bite of the icy wind. I quickly glanced up and down the street for passing cars and made my way across.
There he stood, leaning against a wall, just staring at me. "Hi" I said. "Are you hungry?"
His eyes got wide and he continued to stare and then slowly he said "Oh yes I AM!"
I smiled and handed him the bag and commented "I saw you while I was sitting in the restaurant".
"You were watching me? Really?" He looked aghast, as if this was something new and unusual for him.
"Well yes we were, my husband and I and we were concerned about you!" I explained.
He was still staring intently into my eyes with a look of awe. "No one ever notices me, you really were watching me? Thank you so much ma'am for the food, that was very generous of you." He reached up and took off his cap and held out his hand, "By the way, my name is Bruce."
"Bruce, I am very pleased to meet you, I'm Jane" I said reaching out to take his hand. "Oh Bruce, your hand is freezing! How will you stay warm tonight?"
"Don't worry about me" he said smiling "I know how to stay warm. There is a subway nearby and I can warm up near the entrance where I will be shielded from the brunt of the cold."
"I hope so, it is bitter out! That wind is just miserable tonight! You promise me you will stay warm?" I pleaded.
"Indubitably!" he jested with his eyes flashing. "Thank you again, it was more than kind of you and I am still dumbfounded that you would even give me the time of day, no one does and it means a lot."
I grabbed his hand and shook it again. "Take good care of yourself, okay?"
He nodded in agreement. As I walked back across the street to my cozy warm restaurant I shivered and caught a blast of wind that nearly knocked me off of my feet. I began to feel terribly guilty that I had such warm inviting building to to go to. I turned and waved and walked through the door.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Yoga- relaxxxxxx-zzzzzzz
My husband, Gary, and I went to a seminar yesterday at our yoga center in town, Sun and Moon Yoga Studio. We signed up for a class called Yoga Nidra. I knew it was for relaxation, but had no idea how relaxed I would become.
"Don't be surprised if you fall asleep during this, it is commonplace for that to happen." our yoga instructor informed us.
As per Wikipedia, "Yoga-nidra refers to the conscious awareness of the deep sleep state, referred to as "prajna"" I don't know how conscious I really was, nor Gary, as I heard him lightly snoring next to me. "The practice of yoga relaxation has been found to reduce tension and anxiety" states Wikipedia.
Just what the doctor ordered as both my husband and I are under a great deal of stress in our lives. So, twenty-seven of us tensed up souls spread our yoga mats throughout the large room to be at one with our selves and our surroundings.
As were were being lulled into our relaxed (semi-comatose) state, I kept thinking, How do I turn off my brain and stop thinking about all of those mundane chores such as laundry, mopping the floors, editing my book. There is no way that I am going to be able to give in to this, no way I can shut off my mind, no way that I can relax that completely.
The next thing I remember was the instructor telling us to "bend your knees and wiggle your fingers." I thought how odd that sounded as I just felt such inner peace within myself and how dare she interrupt me from being in such a very good place! Slowly my mind started to kick back in and I became marginally aware of my surroundings. I stole a glance around the room and smiled to myself when I noticed that every single one of us had the same dreamy like appearance. There was a palpable feel to the room, a feeling of utter calmness. I know that I wasn't the only one who felt it.
"Be careful when you leave here" reminded the instructor "you are in a different state than you were when you came in."
All I know is, there appears to be a half an hour that I cannot account for, was I sleeping, or in a deep state of relaxation or where was I??
"Don't be surprised if you fall asleep during this, it is commonplace for that to happen." our yoga instructor informed us.
As per Wikipedia, "Yoga-nidra refers to the conscious awareness of the deep sleep state, referred to as "prajna"" I don't know how conscious I really was, nor Gary, as I heard him lightly snoring next to me. "The practice of yoga relaxation has been found to reduce tension and anxiety" states Wikipedia.
Just what the doctor ordered as both my husband and I are under a great deal of stress in our lives. So, twenty-seven of us tensed up souls spread our yoga mats throughout the large room to be at one with our selves and our surroundings.
As were were being lulled into our relaxed (semi-comatose) state, I kept thinking, How do I turn off my brain and stop thinking about all of those mundane chores such as laundry, mopping the floors, editing my book. There is no way that I am going to be able to give in to this, no way I can shut off my mind, no way that I can relax that completely.
The next thing I remember was the instructor telling us to "bend your knees and wiggle your fingers." I thought how odd that sounded as I just felt such inner peace within myself and how dare she interrupt me from being in such a very good place! Slowly my mind started to kick back in and I became marginally aware of my surroundings. I stole a glance around the room and smiled to myself when I noticed that every single one of us had the same dreamy like appearance. There was a palpable feel to the room, a feeling of utter calmness. I know that I wasn't the only one who felt it.
"Be careful when you leave here" reminded the instructor "you are in a different state than you were when you came in."
All I know is, there appears to be a half an hour that I cannot account for, was I sleeping, or in a deep state of relaxation or where was I??
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The Triple S- Snow, Shoveling and Stranded
The television was playing in the background and I was having a hard time concentrating on my many computer projects. The newscasters were informing us that our first major snowstorm of the season was imminent. "Take heed, this will make for a difficult commute. It will hit at rush hour. It will start as rain, quickly change to sleet and then quickly change to snow. Expect 1-2 inches per hour."
I sent numerous texts to my husband, Gary, who was at a conference at the National Harbor a mere 18 miles away. It may as well have been 180 or more, as I soon found out.
"I'll get in the car and head out after I hear this guy speak. He's a cancer survivor and his talk is so amazing" the text said. I mildly understood as Gary is also a cancer survivor.
"Please leave now!" I texted back. "It is already sleeting here and you are in that little car." I shook my head. Why wouldn't he listen to me, this storm was going to dump snow fast. I pleaded with him earlier in the morning to take my car, but he said he would be fine in his little sports car.
I glanced out the window, drat it had changed to snow and the snow appeared to be coming down in clumps. I've never seen such large flakes!
I went out and shoveled the first 2 inches of snow off of the driveway. As fast as I would shovel, it was only being covered up again. Well, I thought to myself, it's a start. Man it was heavy snow and my back was feeling every shovel full that I tossed off to the side.
I kept going out to clear the driveway hoping that Gary would show up any minute. My fingers were cold and wet and I looked like a bedraggled kitten with my hair dripping all over the floor, when I came in to warm up.
At 6:00 in the evening the phone rang "I've made it as far as the Springfield Interchange and the traffic has just gone to ground. This is going to be a long long trip".
Hourly I would get reports. He was just crawling, traffic was backed up for miles.
Then it started thundering. A snow thunderstorm, how absolutely bizarre!
I was looking out my window at 9:00 pm hoping to see his car turn into our neighborhood when I saw a flash of orange on the other side of our neighborhood, above the tree line. As quickly as it was there, it was gone, as was our power.
Silence. Utter silence. Even my birds in their cages didn't make a sound. It made me think how life must have been before electricity. I have been reading a series of books by Diana Gabaldon about life in the late 1700's and she would mention about how silent the nights were. I felt like I had gone back in time.
That quickly changed when I realized that I couldn't get the garage door open so Gary could get in. Oh crap, I never charged my cell phone all day and the battery was quickly being depleted. Better get some flashlights and start lighting candles. Oh great, I have a gas fireplace and it works! The birds will not freeze! I moved their cages closer to the fireplace. Who knew how long the power would be out!
At 10:30 the power came back on, and what a racket it was! The fish tank began whirring, the television started blaring, the furnace clicked on and the birds started squawking! I blew out the candles and went to get the phone to call Gary. It started ringing in my hand!
"I'm at the top of our neighborhood and stuck" he said. "Grab some shovels and come help me."
After about a half an hour and with the help of a good Samaritan that came over from the next neighborhood,Gary finally pulled into the driveway.
Oh how I wanted to say 'I told you so', but decided that maybe I better not. Oh hell, I had to, I mean what was this man thinking, driving a little sports car on a day we knew it was to snow?
Between 7-8 inches of snow fell. No record by any means compared to the Snowmageddon we had last year. Still, this would be one for the records and I won't let Gary live it down!
I sent numerous texts to my husband, Gary, who was at a conference at the National Harbor a mere 18 miles away. It may as well have been 180 or more, as I soon found out.
"I'll get in the car and head out after I hear this guy speak. He's a cancer survivor and his talk is so amazing" the text said. I mildly understood as Gary is also a cancer survivor.
"Please leave now!" I texted back. "It is already sleeting here and you are in that little car." I shook my head. Why wouldn't he listen to me, this storm was going to dump snow fast. I pleaded with him earlier in the morning to take my car, but he said he would be fine in his little sports car.
I glanced out the window, drat it had changed to snow and the snow appeared to be coming down in clumps. I've never seen such large flakes!
I went out and shoveled the first 2 inches of snow off of the driveway. As fast as I would shovel, it was only being covered up again. Well, I thought to myself, it's a start. Man it was heavy snow and my back was feeling every shovel full that I tossed off to the side.
I kept going out to clear the driveway hoping that Gary would show up any minute. My fingers were cold and wet and I looked like a bedraggled kitten with my hair dripping all over the floor, when I came in to warm up.
At 6:00 in the evening the phone rang "I've made it as far as the Springfield Interchange and the traffic has just gone to ground. This is going to be a long long trip".
Hourly I would get reports. He was just crawling, traffic was backed up for miles.
Then it started thundering. A snow thunderstorm, how absolutely bizarre!
I was looking out my window at 9:00 pm hoping to see his car turn into our neighborhood when I saw a flash of orange on the other side of our neighborhood, above the tree line. As quickly as it was there, it was gone, as was our power.
Silence. Utter silence. Even my birds in their cages didn't make a sound. It made me think how life must have been before electricity. I have been reading a series of books by Diana Gabaldon about life in the late 1700's and she would mention about how silent the nights were. I felt like I had gone back in time.
That quickly changed when I realized that I couldn't get the garage door open so Gary could get in. Oh crap, I never charged my cell phone all day and the battery was quickly being depleted. Better get some flashlights and start lighting candles. Oh great, I have a gas fireplace and it works! The birds will not freeze! I moved their cages closer to the fireplace. Who knew how long the power would be out!
At 10:30 the power came back on, and what a racket it was! The fish tank began whirring, the television started blaring, the furnace clicked on and the birds started squawking! I blew out the candles and went to get the phone to call Gary. It started ringing in my hand!
"I'm at the top of our neighborhood and stuck" he said. "Grab some shovels and come help me."
After about a half an hour and with the help of a good Samaritan that came over from the next neighborhood,Gary finally pulled into the driveway.
Oh how I wanted to say 'I told you so', but decided that maybe I better not. Oh hell, I had to, I mean what was this man thinking, driving a little sports car on a day we knew it was to snow?
Between 7-8 inches of snow fell. No record by any means compared to the Snowmageddon we had last year. Still, this would be one for the records and I won't let Gary live it down!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The Woes of a New Author in the Digital World
I returned home this past Sunday evening from the Writer’s Digest Conference in NYC, my head filled with ideas on how I really could become the next best seller author if I worked hard at it. My brain held ideas of grandeur that came from the big pitch to the agents on Saturday. I had such positive results and encouragement, that I wondered if my head would fit through the front door of my home in Fairfax, Virginia.
I couldn’t wait to sit down at my computer and start my Twitter account, update my web page, update my blog and Facebook. They informed us we need to be noticed, we need to have an online presence. I could do that, right? I use a computer daily!
There I sat, at the computer, working hard to get that right name for Twitter. Drats, why did I cancel my first Twitter account? I lost the best name, now I will have to fool with a new one. That takes time. Okay, got it, now… (@davisjaneh) Now, how the heck do I get people to follow me? I just thought I would set up the account, boom, and everyone would be there and want to connect to me. Hmmm… I guess it doesn’t work that way, it’s harder than I thought! Thanks to a new friend from the conference, Christine, (@thatgalkiki) she informed her friends that I was new and asked them to connect with me. Voila, it worked!
Now, what do I have to say that is important and interesting and inviting? What would all of my new found friends be expecting of me? I will just watch what they write and learn. The tweets were flying on my screen, and as soon as I finished reading one, five new ones came in! Give me a break. How the heck do I figure this out? I am feeling like a geezer, no way am I going to handle this! Other people do this and are older than me; I can handle this, right?
My eyes were feeling tired and I couldn't wait to take out my contacts. I started yawning and then glanced at the clock, it was after midnight! What happened to my web page and my blog and Facebook? Where the heck had the time gone? I had to say goodnight to my computer friends and get to bed, as five in the morning would come all too soon for getting ready for work!
As I placed my head on the pillow, tweets started flying across the screen in my mind as if I were downstairs sitting in my comfy chair staring at the monitor. Should I grab my iPhone and see if I have another new connection? Oh no, it was happening… I was becoming a tweetaholic!
I couldn’t wait to sit down at my computer and start my Twitter account, update my web page, update my blog and Facebook. They informed us we need to be noticed, we need to have an online presence. I could do that, right? I use a computer daily!
There I sat, at the computer, working hard to get that right name for Twitter. Drats, why did I cancel my first Twitter account? I lost the best name, now I will have to fool with a new one. That takes time. Okay, got it, now… (@davisjaneh) Now, how the heck do I get people to follow me? I just thought I would set up the account, boom, and everyone would be there and want to connect to me. Hmmm… I guess it doesn’t work that way, it’s harder than I thought! Thanks to a new friend from the conference, Christine, (@thatgalkiki) she informed her friends that I was new and asked them to connect with me. Voila, it worked!
Now, what do I have to say that is important and interesting and inviting? What would all of my new found friends be expecting of me? I will just watch what they write and learn. The tweets were flying on my screen, and as soon as I finished reading one, five new ones came in! Give me a break. How the heck do I figure this out? I am feeling like a geezer, no way am I going to handle this! Other people do this and are older than me; I can handle this, right?
My eyes were feeling tired and I couldn't wait to take out my contacts. I started yawning and then glanced at the clock, it was after midnight! What happened to my web page and my blog and Facebook? Where the heck had the time gone? I had to say goodnight to my computer friends and get to bed, as five in the morning would come all too soon for getting ready for work!
As I placed my head on the pillow, tweets started flying across the screen in my mind as if I were downstairs sitting in my comfy chair staring at the monitor. Should I grab my iPhone and see if I have another new connection? Oh no, it was happening… I was becoming a tweetaholic!
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